The holidays are gonna be rough this year!! They are always a little tough, with the passing of one Grandma being December 18th, this is the forth Christmas without her.. But also the first Christmas without Grams.. Grams passed away October 29th!In honor of her, I cooked Thanksgiving dinner myself, and did it Grams way.. All food that I grew up with! I don't mention family much, although we are very close and I would do anything for family! That's my private island so to speak! lol

For those of you that don't know... I was accepted into the Hogwarts team!! I will be part of the opening crew for the new Harry Potter theme park! This is a huge honor, since being a fan of the books for ten years now! However we are unclear of when opening day is exactly, so I'm unsure of when I start my journey. But soon as I know, so shall you...lol

I've also accquired a roomie, Nena! I've added a page for her on here as well, Unbreakable Raven, so please stop by and check her out.. Gee, that sounds funny.. Guess I should say, stop by and check out her page.. She's agreed to let me photo her, so I'll change around some of the photos on the page soon, with the photos that I've made of her.. lol

My baby Stimpy had Breast Cancer, was completly removed... But can possibly come back.. Stimpy is 17 this year, and has been through sooo much!! But her spirits are high.. And her determination is strong.. She's my rock!!

With my new job, training and opening of the new park, I will not be taking any vacations at least until Summer break is over. This means it'll be August most likely before I can go anywhere... Means no Christmas in Indiana this year.. Which makes me sad! But work is important too.. Gotta pay the bills somehow, I guess.. haha!!

I've made lots of changes in my life.. Had too.. But I'm moving on and feeling better about life, and the changes I've made.. Please bear with me all... There's more changes coming!


Blessed be all.. Thanks for the support

Love always,
`Raven

Hey all!!

I might have to go away from a while.. Possibly a week.. My mom called and told me that my Grams isn't doing well, and they have requested that the family be there! Please keep us in your prayers, blessings whatever your spiritual preferances are.. As I will have to drive up.. I may leave tonight or in the morning.. Have some loose ends to tie up here before I make the journey north!!

If you have my cell phone number and want to.. Please leave a text message or voice message, as I may not be able to get reception through the hills of Kentucky and Tenessee.. lol..

Thank you all for your support and kindness.. You all are great!!!

Blessed Be,

~Raven

Gee, guess I shouldn't have wrote what else could happen! Not long after writing that, I started getting bad news!!

First off, my ex father in law was diagnosed with luekemia! Good news is, he is now in remission! This is awesome news!!

A few days later, I was petting my kitty, Stimpy, and found a lump near her nipple! We are now needing to take her to remove it, and pray that it is not cancer!!! This procedure will cost us almost four hundred dollars! So... I am hoping that when I can pay it, that all goes well!

Within days of hearing about Stimpy, my mom called and told me that she had a yearly mammagram, and the Dr. found some strange shadows in the results.,. So, she has to have a biopsy as well!!

And if that hadnt been enough, my friend De called me saying she was pregnant, and also they found some strange things with her results.. Tumors, and Gall Bladder troubles.. So we have no idea if she will carry full term, what will happen with the bladder, and with the tumors..

It's been a crazy month so far!!

On to better news.. lol

I did aquire a room mate... I'll add photos of her as I get them!

I got to see my Friend from the DR, JoJo!! Got to spend a day with her, shooting photos!

My mom comes down for a visit, on the 6th until the 13th! Which is awesome!!!

And... My interview for the new job went well.. Possible promotion!! YEAh! And more hours.. I'll tell you more about that as well, when I find out!

Thanks everyone for yor continued blessings!! I am happpy to have all of you in my life!!

Blessed Be!

~Rina

Hey I've decided to start blogging again.. Maybe because I have sooo much shit rattling around in my head.. And so few people to listen, or give a shit rather!!

Which by the way is my fault.. I keep everyone just out of arms reach, so naturally when I need someone.. Thery aren't there.. Because they don't know they have to be there.. So, the purpose of this blog is a big F off to me.. lol.. Here goes

As many of you know.. (this one won't be a shock) My Grams is in bad condition.. Just when we think she is a fighter and may actually pull through.. The doctor finds another problem, or snag in the road!  She's 85! She has Congestive Heart Failure, and right  now her kidneys as well are failing.. They say she could live a long time this way, but it will be a bumpy road! I feel that I need to be in Indiana with my family during this time... But I also have bills to pay.. lol.. Not like they will pay themselves.. haha~  My heart tells me to run to them, and the rest will work it's way out.. haha!! Not likely!! I'd have to get a job up there just to keep the truck and cell phone bills paid! Can't leave Bryant paying all the bills.. Not really fair to him either.. haha! Even though when I leave most likely he'll have to pay them all anyway.. That said yes I am thinking about leaving Florida.. Although I hate Indiana.. That is where my family are, and right now that is where my heart is as well!

I also realized that the past few years I've been harboring feelings for someone that I know would never return them.. And I've moved on.. LOL .. I've said this before I know.. How many times can a monkey walk into a wall before realizing that it's not a door?? HAHA! I've met someone that is helping me over these feelings.. Bringing back my self esteem.. She should know who she is without me saying names... no need to bring spotlights to anyone.. lol.. She's an awesome girl.. That I have spent many years getting to know.. One day we started chatting, and it hit me.. I love chatting with her, she's awesome to hang out with.. We have LOTS in common.. And I'm proud to call her my GIRL, anytime!! I look forward to more times in the Cave.. (wink wink)

My friend Rach and I have come to an understanding as well, as much as we have been through together.. Nothing will ever come between us! She's been an awesome friend to me, and has always been around when I need her.. Gurl, I'm gonna need you A LOT over the next few months.. You better have a shoulder I can cry on.. lol.. Forces have tried to break us up over the years, and we have not faultered.. I think they says a LOT about our friendship.. So, for the record, anyone who gets involved with me, better get along with my BFF!

My friend De.. Has finally met a dude that can make her happy!! I'm happy for her!! Wishing her LOTS of happiness and luck with her new Beau!! Hopefully he is cool with you hanging out with your friend that digs chics.. lol.. I promise to be a good girl and keep my hands to myself!! Good luck girl!

Guess that is about it for now... Thanks everyone for letting me vent my thoughts... You all are awesome!!

If you want leave comments.. I love to hear what you have on your minds..

Love & Blessed Be!

~Rina

 

Wow.. My last post was almost a year ago.. And don't you know, my life is exactly the same! Haha!! I've made new adjustments to the website, please stop by and check them out! It might not look too much different, but there are some new things on there!! I've updated photos and layouts.. I'm working on putting some things on here that haven't been on.. But I have to check the TOS and find out what is allowed!

My life is still changing little by little.. Have LOTS to do over the next few months.. Before I can make a drastic change.. But my attitude is changing, and my views on life are changing.. I'm becoming more myself everday, instead of the person that I think everyone needs me to be.. I'm working on my self image right now.. Little by little!

I have gotten my first tattoo, which I'm sad to say I haven't added a photo on here yet.. Maybe after this I will do that.. Wow, that's a huge addition to myself.. Can't believe I forgot to add that.. lol

Please, Please PLEASE give me your feedback.. If you hate it tell me, if you love it tell me, if you want me to delete it, loose weight, get a life.. I don't care TELL ME! Unless you tell me what you like, I can't make this a successful site!

Thanks ya'll !

Love and blessings,

~Rina

Hello all..

I thought that they had shut down my web site.. That being said, I haven't been here updating anything for that reason!

Until recently! I received an email a few weeks ago.. Let me rephrase that.. I received hate mail.. Saying that it's wrong for a woman to love another women. Also, accusing my friend of being an unfit mother because her photos were on my page!! Let me STRESS that this is my page, and I have the right to add any photo that I wish on my site.. if her photos were on my page, it's because I wanted them on here.. This is a site for only my close friends and family..This bothers me that there are still people out there that want to cause harm to things they don't understand or HATE!

This person obviously has problems with themselves, and issues with their looks! They have nothing better to do with their time than to try to cut others down.. But I have a news flash.. I know who I am, I love who I am.. And I have no problem showing or being myself.. I have friends that love me, and support me.. I have nothing to hide.. Unlike this person, who made up a name and email address.. I know WHO YOU ARE! No reason to hide.. Just for the record, I do not hate you.. I have nothing against you.. BUT if you continue to talk shit about my FRIEND.. I will turn you and your SKANKY husband in to the authorities. You do have something to hide, and I'm not afraid to expose you!! I love my friend, everything about her.. She is perfect in my eyes, and I will protect her!! Can you say that you have someone that would do that for you?? I think NOT! Good luck in your life.. And LEAVE MY ALONE!!

I'm including in this blog, the email I wrote back to this person, and the response I got back!! I have nothing to hide!




"Hey,
At first I was pretty upset about what you have written and that you had been stalking my sites, looking at my friend! But the more I had thought about this, the more I realized that I feel sorry for you. I mean someone that has nothing to do with their time other than read pages and check up on people deserves more compassion and understanding!
I don't need to reveal my life to you, or to confess my hearts desires... I do have to say that it's sad that you could not understand my love for my friends, or for those that my heart longs for.. It's people like you that make feel that they can't be themselves that are taking our rights out from under us.. We only have the internet to truly say what we feel and to express our feelings, without the consequences and disapproval of others, and then someone like you comes along and takes that away from us.. Someone who strips us of our rights, and shits on what we believe just to make yourselves feel more important.. Well, I actually have some news for you, you are no more important than any of us.. You have proven that you are shallow and self-centered..
Who cares who loves who or why.. I don't have to stick up for myself to you, or anyone.. But I do need to thank you, because I now know that I need to put up privacy to those like you and only talk to my friends! Thank you for that.. I do appreciate it!
Please forget my websites and the sites that I have joined..
~Rina"

His/HER response:

"i feel sorry for you cause you have no idea what * says behind your back.. but oh well i would tell you to suck my dick but your not into that so just fuck off cunt"
To my friends.. I will be adding and making changes to the site.. More of the same to come.. I'm in a good place right now.. I'm finding myself again.. And I'm happy!!

Please bear with me! I'm making LOTS of changes!! I have millions of ideas!!

Blessed Be!

~Raven

		For the past 2 months I have been in and out of the hospital!!! Multiple kidney stones have been keeping me offline and mostly laying in pain, on the floor, couch and bed.. I've been on Vicaprofen for nearly two months now.. With water streaming down my cheeks from pain! I've been unable to work on the site, and I really do apologize for this! But I am hoping that I have passed these nasty things now, and will hopefully be back to posting pictures, stories, and things soon.. Please bear with me, though, until this is over!! I'll make it worth your while.. lol.. Thanks to all that have sent texts and phone calls.. I appreciate it! Blessed Be!! ~Raven

Good morning all..

At this point I'm not even sure that anyone reads these.. But for those of you that do.. This is just to keep you updated and in the know.. lol

A few weeks ago I made a journey to Indiana for a lot of different reasons.. Things are changing up north, and it's got me a bit down!

My oldest step-sister, which is 9 years younger than I am.. Had a little boy, on February 28th! He was 8 pounds and 5 ounces, 21 inches long! She was in labor for 18 hours, when the dr. finally decided to go C-Section.. She was exhausted.. But little Rylan is fine and strong..

My father had to go in for an outpatient surgery, but he is fine as well.. All turned out pretty good with him.. Thank God.. It could have been worse!

My grandmother on my Mom's side, had fallen on her way to my mom's van, and broke her pelvic bone.. My Grandmother is still in a Nursing Home, but they are hoping that she will be able to go home on the 21st of this month! If all goes well.. But the main worry now is that her memory is slipping.. Due to what the Doctors fear is due to minor strokes.. or mini strokes.. We are hoping that this wrong, and that maybe it's just due to shock and not being able to go home.. She is always saying I want to go home, I don't belong here.. It's really sad to watch.. Grandma is 86 this year!

I have an interview in a few weeks, for a new job, at a new location.. I'll explain more after the interview.. But the pay is a major increase.. And I'm really excited about it!! I don't want to say anything else cause I don't want to jinx it.!! I really need this job.. I'm slowly falling behind on my bills.. And my existing job, isn't getting any easier.. My friend at work, which happens to also be gay, was demoted a few weeks ago, because the new manager doesnt' think he has what it takes to be a Team Lead/Captian.. Which I think is complete bullshit!! This new manager is a Piece of Crap!! LOL.. I want out of there before the whole place falls down.. I dont' want to be there when that happens.. I have a lot of friends there though, that wants me to stay and fight it out! But I can't stay someplace that has no morals, or doesn't put there personal feelings behind for the sake of the business... So, I am off to a place where they don't discrimnate against religions, sexual preferance, physical appearance, or anything else that's out there.. I believe in equal rights, and I can't be part of something that doesn't believe in the same ideals!!! But that's just me!! LOL

My friend White Raven is pregnant again. Please join me in sending her blessings a good wishes.. This is her second child.. I hope that it's a girl!! I need a niece damn it.. haha!! All I have are nephews.. Although, I will love it just the same.. I just need a girl, to dress up in pink dresses and bows.. lol

Also, news.. My little Angel Paws, Stimpy has HyperThyroid, and is on medication for this.. Unfortunatly, this will be for her remaining years!! It's very painful to think of life without my little furball.. But I am hoping that I have her for many more years.. She seems to have recovered well from the stroke.. Her head is not titled any longer, and her spirit seems strong.... It is a relief to see her recovering this quickly! Although I still panic when I see her scratching, or shaking her head.. lol

Anyway, that's enough of me for now.. Please feel free to post anything you like.. Tell me how you are doing.. and what you think of this blog.. Too boring?? lol

Love ya's and Blessed Be~

~Raven

Okay! Wow.. Just when things get clear I'm all foggy again! For those who know me, know that I don't put my heart out there! And when I do, it's because I know the limits and have judged the outcome! Maybe this time it's only because the outcome has been determined for so long now! I've loved one girl my whole life! Yes, there have been girls before her, and a few even after.. But my heart was always hers.. Now this never really bothered me before because I knew that deep down, this was never going to be returned.. Okay I'm lying it did bother me, but I thought that someday maybe I would get over it, or maybe she would return the feelings, realizing that maybe my love would be enough!! I held on for blind hope, I know! I realized this a few months ago.. But still pressured on.. Call me stubborn, or maybe just a sad romantic! Some have even told me that it's a "safe" place for me, because I love someone that could never return these feelings. When telling others that my heart belonged to someone else, it kept me from feeling anything for anyone else! Maybe this is all a bit true.. I can't believe that I could ever be that shallow!
I've had other friends that will come to me and ask me what women have that men do not!
To me this answer is simple.. To others it may not be so easy!
First thing I will explain my situation with men.. I've been married twice and in my lifetime I've been with many men.. I find them all the same.. What I am also not telling you is that I've been raped on many occasions by different men.. One of which was a minister! Another was a date rape.. One other was my ex-husband! Now I know that you may say that your spouse can never rape you, since you are technically married.. But I assure you that is possible! Okay besides that, I find that men are mostly self gratifying, which means that they have no need to feel they have to help their partner reach satisfaction in the bedroom, or out for that matter.. Their touch is rough, where women's touch are gentle and soothing.. Men have little to no idea what a women feels or needs..
I look at a women and my heart pulses, and feel nothing when looking at a male.. I have no desires when looking at men, and sometimes find it quite repulsing.. But even more than that.. I don't click with men.. I find similar interest with them, football, and things like that... But with women I find more interesting, and exciting.. I get so much more just talking to a girl, than I could ever get from a male! I know that this sounds trivial and maybe doesn't make sense to you at all.. But this is how I feel, and this is why I know that I am more attracted to women than I ever could be to a male! Here's an example, of when I really knew.. I was taking care of a guest at my place of employment. This girl walks in with her son.. I start making small talk with the boy, which is about 5 years old.. I ask what his favorite ride was, and if he rode this certain ride.. Well the mom starts talking to me, and while I'm talking to her I don't look up, I'm ringing up the order and bagging her merchandise.. I look up to ask if she enjoyed the park, and where her and her son had visited from.. But the moment I met her eyes, I went blank.. I couldn't speak at all.. When I did it was all jambled up.. The guy I was working with laughed at me, and asked if I were okay! I laughed it off, and found my words again! When I realized that no man had ever done that to me before, and that the guy I was working with had noticed.. I was red! I think the girl had noticed too, but I was too embarrassed to even make a point to get her name, or number.. lol.. Although she didn't leave my store for almost 45 minutes after her purchase.. lol.. That's beside the point though.. I think that was the moment that I realized something was different!
My first encounter with a female, I was very young.. Possibly around eight maybe nine.. I won't mention who she was, or how we met! That is something entirely different.. But I loved everything about her.. Her smell, her lips.. I loved kissing her, and feeling her warmth when I touched her.. All of this felt nature to me.. Like I was meant to touch a women! I still think of her everyday.. Although she is not the one who holds the key today! I have someone else locked down in my heart! And I know that I must let her go! But this is the longest journey of my life! I've had these feelings for so very long now, and even have imagined someday have a place together and helping her raise her children.. I know now this is a crazy dream for me.. And that it will never happen that way! My love for her will always be strong, and I will always carry deep feelings for her.. Those will never fade! But I've realized that this chapter of my life is coming to an end, and it hurts me deeply to end it! Her friendship is very important to me, and I will always cherish her and keep her in my life! So, this is where I'm coming from.. My views on men, women, and the one that I've held a candle for, for 14 years now! Please bear with me if I bottle up, and disappear for a while.. It's just my way of coping!
Thanks guys for the support and happy thoughts.. I love ya's all!
Blessed Be,
~Raven